The Worst Feeling
I bought cucumbers from the Mennonites. It was a hell of a deal, 5 Bucks for 11 pounds of them. They were delicious and indulged, a bit too much. So i am typing this on the shitter and perhaps the lesson here is that cucumber is the ultimate way to flush out your bowels. Maybe [...]
You Tube Channel Counts – 13-JUL-2010
Checking in on the number of views our channel has Total views of all videos: 749,115. AS OF: 20:56 13-JUL-2010
Farts and Medicine – YUM!
Farts. I have blasted more than 500 of them today. I have discovered that anti-inflammatories cause eruptions of the anus in a bigger way than 50 pounds of beans and broccoli. Arthrotec is the culprit. 300 years ago they would amputate your foot if your big toe got hit with a gout attack. Gout hurts, [...]
The Star Trek Transporter – What You Need To Think About
Transporters. I have been asked many times about transporters and the subject is an interesting one, so I entertain it every time. Yes, we are talking about Star Trek transporters which work on the principle of KILLING you by breaking you down into digital information, storing you in a RAM buffer and then reassembling you [...]
Waaaaaa AGAIN!
So It’s July. It’s hot. People are complaining about the heat. Why? Most of you that bitch about the cold, also now are bitching about the heat. Bitch, whine, uhhhhg, waAAaaAaaAaaa. Jesus Christ you all get on my nerves. Can any of you pick three things you DO LIKE and talk about those? No, wait, [...]
George is a Cocksucker and Worse; A Coward.
George is a Cocksucker and Worse; A Coward. Having issues with your neighbours is nothing new for anyone that has neighbours. Human beings suck in general, but the worst of the worst always seem to live in the ‘burbs. Take George for example. George does not like my barbeque or my back yard fire pit. [...]
Why The Fuck, Chuck?
I have a few simple rules with people I know, and they all seem to be forgetting them. Example, Don’t call me unless you have something to say. Don’t call my business line unless you have your credit card ready. Don’t pay me surprise visits to my house unless you are prepared to give me [...]
Why Can’t I Sleep God Damn It?!
Why can’t I sleep? I am burned right out. I burned my kids out by taking them hiking, How can a fat man hike a mile with his kids, then later in the same day hike 11 kilometers, play a game of lacrosse, visit his mom in the hospital and then design a full brochure [...]
South America is OUT – A Subject Revisited
A South American man had this to say about my article entitled “SOUTH AMERICA IS OUT OF THE WORLD CUP” Wow buddy I’ve got to comment on your article. While I agree with the diving and crying for fouls every time a player goes down. But to categorize all South America? At least when we [...]
South America is OUT of The World Cup
South America is OUT of the World Cup. Why does this make me smile? Becuase this continent has more whiners and divers per team than any of the other continent. Yes I dispise Diego Maradona, but he is not alone is his assholic behaviour on or on the sidelines of the field. These countries have [...]
Testicles.ca Makes The Top 60 On You Tube Canada
We’ve been doing okay this year with traffic on You Tube, this week we are number 58. We really appreciate all the traffic you send our way on Testicles.ca and www.youtube.com/testiclesDOTca! We’ll keep at it so you have plenty to laugh at! Kevin Jackal Johnston
Argentina is GOING HOME! Booooo YAH!
Germany: 4 Argentina: 0, Nil, Nadda, Zilch, Zip, Sweet Fuck All, Jack Shit, ZEEEERO! Those bastards are done at the hands of the Germans, who have better food, better beer and are all-around a better race! I can’t stand that Maradona asshole, and he got what he deserves with this brutal loss to the Germans. [...]
Italy Is Out of The World Cup – BYE BYE!
// Italy is out, they’re going home. Italy is going to cry while eating Spungoni or Rigatoni or Fucktoni or Cuntipasto or whatever the hell Italian soccer fans eat when they’re sad. The Italians have proven time and time again that their soccer team can do little more than humiliate and embarrass their homeland with [...]
Perspective Expertiment – Very Cool
I came across a great perspective experiment. This is an example of the idea of living on an inverted planet such as Ring World or Halo. Have a look at this site: http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2009/05/horizonless-manhattan/ Well Done Gentlemen!
Jesus Christ Never Cried This Much, And He Had A Spear In His Side – FUCK
I truly believe that every Canadian that lives in the Toronto area is little more than a three-legged pussycat with an empty bowl of cream, meowing endlessly. I had listened to over 50 excuses this past winter from people who were too cold to participate in tobogganing, snowboarding and other outdoor winter activities. Here we [...]
Neighbours Suck, I Really Mean It
I live in a city that has absolutely nothing to offer any one aside from heartache and pain. One thing in this lifetime I have never liked is alcoholics, and unfortunately our city is run by one. She is 90 years old and has been drinking since residing in the womb. The old bitch is [...]
Replayability & Rewatchability of Star Trek Ain’t There
Replayability is a word that every spell checker marks as incorrect. I have three separate dictionaries on my shelf, none of which have the word within their pages, and dictionary.com states clearly that there are no results for the word I am looking for. Replayability is a word that the video game industry uses when [...]
Brain Injuries, Brown Assholes and a Dash of Good News
So here we are on the weekend and we have nothing but overcast sky and shitty, cold and damp weather. I have been told over and over again by many people I have been dealing with over the years that the weather in the Toronto area is completely fucked up. They are correct. However, since [...]
A Rotten Weekend Screwed Up My Plans
I am building a new shed in my backyard, and it’s cold and raining AGAIN. God Damn It I hate Canadian weather sometimes.
New Site is GETTING THERE…
Kurt and Me is Bee Zee working on this website. Our new WordPress Theme that we have spent days modifying is working and now we are working on our e-commerce store and FORUMS. It will be easier than ever to contact us and talk with the team about who we are and what we do. [...]
Testicles.ca is Getting a Facelift – A MAJOR ONE!
This website is getting a facelift so that it looks every bit as beautiful as me! Sit tight, it’s CUMMING SOON! That’s right, your favourite website starring your favourite fat man is getting more handsome every day. We grew tired of our old website template which was cool, but not easy enough to use for [...]
Jamaican For Honkeys SEASON 2 Has Begun Filming!
Jamaican For Honkeys SEASON 2 Has Begun Filming! We have begun filming the newest season of Canada’s greatest show. Barrington is once again going to give Professor Johnston a really tough time. Learn Patois while laughing your ass off!
MAC vs PC, Here We Go Again
18° C outside and here I am stuck in front of another God Damned laptop with windows on it. This Windows Vista is about as much fun to use as a dildo with a rusty nail on the tip. It’s as much fun as a girlfriend with no vagina. It is about as much fun [...]
Turkeys, Ducks, Spuds and Mind Your Own Business, Woulja?
So here we are. It is Easter 2010 and I have decided to try something very different this year. I cannot remember a time in my life where I did not have Turkey for Easter. Yes I believe that if you believe in God and the story of Jesus Christ coming back from the dead, [...]
OMGStefff, A Nasty Little Girl, With a Nasty Attitude – But Few Brains
OMGStefff, A Nasty Little Girl, With a Nasty Attitude – But Few Brains So somehow this little dyke thought she knew better about a situation she actually knew nothing about. The best part about the Internet and owning a great You Tube Channel like ours, is that the very ignorant and stupid write content for [...]
Thong Man, The Movie – MUSIC AD IN CRAIG’S LIST – 29-MARCH-2010
THONG MAN MUSIC AD IN CRAIG’S LIST – 29-MARCH-2010 Thank you all for your emails. I normally hate to send out generic letters like this however when it comes to the craigslist ad for musicians and musical pieces we have received an overwhelming response. My name is Kevin Jackal Johnston and I am a 20 [...]
Donate Something Wouldja!
Hey folks, remember we are entertaining you for free! Donate Something Wouldja!
Chicken Wings Are Killing My Soul’s Car
A 44 your old hockey player (a goaltender I might add) once told me that after the age of 40 your body is no longer a part of your soul but rather a vessel that allows your soul to travel from place to place. I would prefer myself personally to replace the word soul with [...]
Iced And Me, To You a Silent Plea
Maybe I am just far too picky but I’m going to have to go on record and state clearly that iced tea in bottles and cans no matter who the manufacturer may be, have all dropped in quality and that includes both in color and flavour. Could it be that in this lifetime I have [...]
Testicles.ca Has Reconfigured the Home Page. These are the Old Structure.
Enter Your Email And WIN STUFF … Please take the time to visit our sponsors, they do pay us for this afterall!
All My Windows Are Open Today
I don’t know about any of you, but I can’t stand winter. Even as a fat bastard I simply do not like feeling cold. Here we are on March 9th and I have ALL my windows open enjoying the temperature. I have put my new website up for y’all to enjoy: http://www.KevinJackalJohnston.com Does someone owe [...]
Tha Jackal Wins Another Case!
So if any of you saw the idiot in question that I served court papers to, you’ll be happy to know that I grilled him in the court conference room and WON – BWA HA HA HA, I Win AGAIN! If any of you want to have small claims papers served to anyone, please let [...]
I am READY For More Court Action
I am owed more than $200,000. I am not going to be nice about collecting this year. Do you owe me dough? Better Pay it up, because I am on the war path.
Good Day, The New Year is COLD
Once again I say it: AL GORE IS FULL OF SHIT. This global warming shit is well, shit! I was expecting palm trees in Toronto by this year, and here we are, minus 15 Celsius and my van won’t start. What god damned truth was he talking about? Can you believe this guy almost WON [...]
YOU TUBE CHANNEL IS UPDATED!
http://www.youtube.com/testiclesDOTca has been updated. We have new wallpaper and new colour arrangements. Our videos have been reorganized to make it easier to find our best movies. THONG MAN & YELLOW SCHWARZ is going well, thanks for being fans!
Lick My Balls The Game Show – Info and Videos
// Lick My Balls Kevin Jackal Johnston for Mayor of Mississauga. Testicles.ca is a Canadian entertainment website, created and maintained by The Greatest Canadian ever born, Kevin Jackal Johnston! Help us spread the word – Testicles.ca is here to stay! Visit Testicles.ca Channels and Pages around the web. PLEASE pass these links on to EVERYONE [...]
NEW YEAR’S DAYS, What Did a Fat White Guy Do?
NEW YEAR’S DAYS, What Did a Fat White Guy Do? Oh, I bet you’d love to know what I did last night! HA HA, let’s just say it involved a touch of brandy, a shit load of hi-fives and 4 ejaculations. The rest of this tale is up to you. HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR! Don’t [...]
NEW YEAR’S EVE, What Does a Fat White Guy Do?
NEW YEAR’S EVE, What Does a Fat White Guy Do? Ahhhhh, new year’s eve. What to do, what to do? Do I blow 70 bucks on a cab so I can drink at a friend’s place? Do I blow 3 hours travelling downtown Toronto to watch shitty live stage shows with half a million idiots [...]
Boxing Day – You`re All Idiots
Boxing Day specials indeed. Shopping on a National Holiday for supposed good deals? Are you all mad? There are no good deals on Boxing Day, it’s all a scam. TRUST ME I KNOW! I was a National Retail Manager in the past. Go ahead, stand in line for 6 hours morons! I am staying home [...]
It’s Christmas Day – Yay!
So I was thinking that getting up at this time of the day was a great idea. I have incense so I can set the smoke alarms off to wake them all up. Just enjoying some milk and cookies and we’re good to go. Ooops, I gotta take a crap. Merrrrry Christmas.
