Star Trek – Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

So there is a new Star Trek movie out, called: Star Trek. This reboot was positively necessary as the previous films Nemesis and Insurrection were top-notch FLOPS. Star Trek fans have been left out in the cold for far too long, forcing Star Trek conventions world wide to become Sci-Fi conventions instead.  Enter J.J. Abrams, [...]

Punisher: War Zone Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

So I was disappointed to see that this Punisher movie was the second time the character was rebooted in film. Dolph Lundgren’s performance in 1989 was brutally bad, having spoken Swedish (I think) throughout the show, and Louis Gossett, Jr.’s continuous screaming the word “FRAAAANK” got old before the movie got going. Then Marvel reboots [...]

The Fountain Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

So we have yet another movie that is simply too artistic for its own good. Pretentious is a word that comes to mind, but so does boring. It was actually a very difficult task to sit through this film and it is a no wonder why Brad Pitt turned it down. There are three story [...]

X-Men Origins: Wolverine Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

So I’ve been listening to High Jackman’s cross country whine-fest about how his movie doesn’t suck after it was leaked onto the Internet, and as much as I hate Hollywood people crying about salary loss, I do agree that X-Men Origins: Wolverine doesn’t suck. After watching the embarrassment of X-Men: The Last Stand I was [...]

Movie Reviews by Kevin Johnston – Old and New Releases

Hello to you all. My name is Kevin Johnston, design Manager of Testicles.ca, and long-time writer / designer. I have always loved movies, but what I love even more than watching them is letting my friends and family know what to spend their hard-earned dollars on, and what they should avoid wasting their time on. [...]

Jun 30, 2006 – Superman Returns – Movie Review

Jun 30, 2006 – Superman Returns Movie Review as it appeared in FAST FORWARD MAGAZINE

Nov 21, 1997 – Mortal Kombat: ANNIHILATION Movie Review

Nov 21, 1997 – Mortal Kombat: ANNIHILATION Movie Review

Monsters Vs Aliens – Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

Monsters VS Aliens is an attempt at cashing in on the nostalgia and boyhood memories of the age bracket 35 to 45, whom watched not-so-great movies like “Attack of the 50 Foot Woman”, “The Blob”, “The Fly”, “Creature from the Black Lagoon”, and ANY Godzilla movie on Re-Run Theatre in the 70′s. DreamWorks is continuing [...]

Jun 19, 1998 – X-Files: Fight the Future – Movie Review

Jun 19, 1998 – X-Files: Fight the Future Movie Review as it appeared in FAST FORWARD MAGAZINE

Aug 11, 1998 – Enemy of the State – Movie Review

Aug 11, 1998 – Enemy of the State – Movie Review as it appeared in FAST FORWARD MAGAZINE Will Smith displays something that he’s neglected to in his past features:  TALENT.  He almost goes the entire movie without reminding the audience of how good looking he is.  Tony Scott has done a great job showing [...]

Jun 30, 1999 – Wild Wild West – Movie Review

Jun 30, 1999 – Wild Wild West – Movie Review

Dec 18, 2001 – Waterboy, The – Movie Review

Dec 18, 2001 – Waterboy, The – Movie Review

May 19, 1999 – Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Movie Review

May 19, 1999 – Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, Movie Review

Movie Review From Dec 11, 1998 – Star Trek Insurrection

Movie Review From Dec 11, 1998 – Star Trek Insurrection as it appeard in FAST FORWARD MAGAZINE The crew of the Enterprise have finally begun showing their age. When they cast The Next Generation, they should have gone with younger blood. To build on that, younger blood is exactly what Paramount Pictures needs in their [...]

Watchmen Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

Watchmen first hit the world in 1986 and did the job it was meant to: Deconstruct the Superhero genre. The success the original series enjoyed was based on exactly that. People wanted to know what real people would behave like in the real world performing real tasks that involved real danger in a very real [...]

Alien Resurrection

Sigourney Weaver is back as Ellen Ripley.  200 years after Ellen Ripley threw herself into the prison colony furnace, a new corporation has resurrected her from a small blood sample.  All they want is the Queen Alien embryo that was implanted inside her.  Ripley’s clone discovers that her DNA has been mixed with the alien’s [...]

Starship Troopers

I’m sure you all remember Paul Verhoeven’s earlier movies, Robocop and Total Recall right?  Remember how good they were?  Starship Troopers is his newest achievement and it leaves all his previous work far behind.  In the future, the human race is at war with a powerful species of alien insects that are highly evolved.  The [...]

Resident Evil: Extinction

Hmmm, this will be an easy review to write. I like my zombie movies juicier, I like my action flicks action-ee-er, I like my movie babes babe-ee-er, and I like my thrillers to thrill me. This one is a cross between The Road Warrior, Land of the Dead, and Merry Christmas Charlie Brown! The zombies [...]

Air Force One

A daring coup by a force of Russian and American troops is successful. The fundamentalist Dictator of Kazakstan, General Radek is imprisoned.  The President of the United States James Marshall (Harrison Ford) after giving a speech on a new hard line policy on terrorism, boards Air Force One, the American presidential airborne super-limo.  Naturally, Kazak [...]

Air Force One Movie Review by Kevin Jackal Johnston

A daring coup by a force of Russian and American troops is successful. The fundamentalist Dictator of Kazakstan, General Radek is imprisoned.  The President of the United States James Marshall (Harrison Ford) after giving a speech on a new hard line policy on terrorism, boards Air Force One, the American presidential airborne super-limo. Naturally, Kazak [...]

Transformers

I admit it. I bought the Comics and the toys, and watched every episode of the original animated series, and saw the original animated movie three times in the theater. I even dusted off and waxed my original Optimus Prime Transformer figure and proudly placed it on the corner of my desk just before leaving [...]

Shrek The Third

It has often been said that “to unlock the true creativity in one’s mind and soul, all they need is a doobie to roll”. Well, with the deep pockets of Dreamworks, they can afford doobies for all, and voluminous amounts of glue to sniff in all bathroom stalls. With crack provided free, and mushrooms galore, [...]

Spiderman 3

By far this is the most anticipated movie of the year, and yah, I stood in line for three and a half hours to see it. Spiderman 3 does not disappoint. They got this one right, and followed the old Spiderman stories that we have come to know and love to a “T”. The introduction [...]

Grindhouse

300

It’s been a while, in fact as far back as Conan the Barbarian since we’ve seen heads flying right off their shoulders. However, although we have severed heads in this movie which is not new, we do have something that is new: over the top, wild and crazy battle scenes, coupled with some of the [...]

Ghost Rider

Marvel Comics have proven time and time again that they have better minds with better ideas than DC Comics. When I compare the two universes side by side, the obvious always comes out. In DC everyone is an alien, everyone can fly, everyone can pick up and throw Mac trucks and so on and so [...]

Lake Placid

OK, let’s see…there’s a fat sheriff, a shy game warden, a loser paleontologist and….Oh Yah…There’s a big crocodile that wants to eat them!  Bill Pullman, Bridget Fonda, Oliver Platt and Betty White are big names, and I find myself wondering why they would want to attach their names to trash like this. An even more [...]